Terms & Conditions

Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions
Do not read this disclaimer under penalty of law. The views and opinions expressed herein this website are the author's own, and subject to change without notice. Actually they’re really probably not necessary, and I doubt if anyone will read them anyway. They’re certainly not those of Roger Kettle, Andrew Christine, the Daily Star, or anyone else who knows me, including the men in white coats who follow me around all day. Nor is there any guarantee that any of the information or facts within it are accurate or true. If you feel copyright had been infringed, bugger! -- we’ve been rumbled. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or just feeling a bit peaky; or events, past, present or future, is purely coincidental. And if anyone says any different, they’re probably telling fibs. This is a fan website (well, Beau Peep needs at least one) and is not in any way officially authorised or endorsed by Messrs Kettle and Christine, their families, friends or nodding acquaintances and neighbours, nor Express Newspapers (who produce some really brilliant papers, by the way). This is an appreciation and tribute website devoted to the best and funniest cartoon strip ever produced – Beau Peep. And people with think Roger Kettle wrote that last bit himself, but I didn’t. You must stop reading this website immediately if any of the following occurs: Blindness, rashes, nausea, irritation, redness, non-sexual swellings, itching, boredom, aching, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, vertigo, dizziness, ringing in the ears, dancing in the streets, vomiting, giddiness, flatulence, hallucinations, the bends, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, and slurred speech (other than if due to alcohol), palpitations, ingrowing toe nails, drowsiness, haemorrhoids, insomnia, profuse sweating, shivering, constipation and/or death. The content within this Beau Peep website is not to be construed as an endorsement of any product or company, nor as the adoption or promulgation of any guidelines, standards or recommendations. Ooo, someone swallowed a dictionary. Except we do endorse the tee-shirts and mugs -- they’re very nice they are. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Or is it further away? Anyway, it’s one of the two. For recreational use only. This website may be unsuitable for some viewers -- pregnant women, non-pregnant women, the elderly, the young, the middle aged, and all other people of all age groups should avoid prolonged exposure to it. Always read the label. Do not ask for credit as a smack in the mouth often offends. Do not put your feet on the seats, or leave used teabags in the sink. Put them in the recycling, or leave them on a saucer you messy so-and-so. The teabags, not your feet. Best Boy: Malcolm Johnson. Key Grip: Rob Baker. This website is not a toy and is meant for educational purposes only and is not to be mocked or made fun of, otherwise we’ll run home in tears and tell mum. Some assembly required. The Beau Peep website is sold by weight, not volume, and contents may settle during transit. Do not read anything on this website if the safety seal has been broken, or if the lid can be depressed. For office use only. Parental guidance advised (not suitable for those aged 3 years+). How’s my driving? Phone 01-811-8055. Do not wind up the Mincemaster or you may be subjected to humiliation, sarcasm, hyperbole, and your aviator being defaced. Do not eat this website, but in case of accidental ingestion, seek urgent professional assistance and contact a poison control centre immediately. And a psychiatrist. Batteries not included. Apply only to affected areas, and avoid the eyes. One size fits all. Slippery when wet. Do not leave this website unattended or it may be removed and destroyed. Hand wash only. Page colours may, in time, fade. Ensure this Beau Peep website is kept away from naked flames and naked ladies. Do not read this website while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment, or drunk. Or all three. No purchase necessary. Do not look directly at the sun. Your home may be at risk if you juggle with live hand grenades in the kitchen. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery. This Beau Peep website is not currently recyclable and is only suitable for land-fill. Avoid contact with skin. Beware of the dog. Limited time offer. Read at your own risk, in a well-ventilated area. We are not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect or error in this website. So basically we don’t want people whinging at us, or threatening to sue, or writing unkind letters or blackmailing us. Blackmail’s an ugly word isn’t it? Though not as ugly as 'carbuncle'. Keep away from direct sunlight. This is an organic, low-fat, tee-total, non-smoking, glutton-free Beau Peep website, and contains no sugar, salt, or artificial colours or flavouring. So really, all in all, it’s pretty bland and very much an acquired taste. Safety goggles are recommended while reading. Speelling errers and badd grammer on this webshite is the rezult of pore edukation. Price does not include VAT. Not for resale. Do not fold, spindle, incinerate or mutilate this Beau Peep website. Seat backs and tray tables must be stowed in the upright position. Please remain seated until the web page has loaded and comes to a complete stop. No refunds. You must switch this website off after use, unplug from the mains, and store in a cool, dry, dark place. We should say that any reproduction is strictly prohibited, but that might bugger up the longevity of the human race. Other restrictions may apply. No animals were harmed in the making of this Beau Peep website, though that bloody cat next door is living on borrowed time. May contain nuts.

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